ah, life lessons

Well, I'm beginning to think that my life is becoming one big book of life lessons. It seems like a year ago everything I ever knew, as now changed. Some might say that is bad, but i'm starting to see that its sort of a blessing. I think its incredibly ironic how everything you once believed in, you will spend hours and hours questioning. Since school has started I have had the world in my hands and nothing could go wrong, I though maybe all the bad in the world, decided it didn't want me. However, life had a way of waking me up from my fantasy, and let me tell you it brought me from up in the clouds to down on my knees. When you go through trauma, you begin to rethink everything in your life, you put up walls whether you like it or not. In the past three months, I have lost a friend to suicide, helped another one from suicide, and seen how people can truly break your heart and destroy your trust. Although, life has been rather stormy I have learned that your only has strong as the pain you're put through. When you feel like you can't bare any more pain, and you feel like the whole world has lost its way, you just got to stand tall because the world would kill to see you fall. The beauty about life is that you are 100% out of control, and your just along for the ride. Amazing as it is, i'm starting to see that pain is just a part of life we need to feel real, and that joy is the only reason we could go through it all in an instant. Life has a funny way of trying to teach you things, and after the past couple of months I can be the first to tell you that if you want the rainbow you got to put up with the rain. So, I guess what i'm really trying to say is, remember what really matters, let go of the hate, and learn that life is all about learning...

Back to blogging ....

Well, its been a long time since I have posted a blog. My life seems like a complete 360 since the last time I posted. So, I suppose I have some much needed updating to do. First off, I want to explain why I have been a-wall for the past months. Writing has always been a huge part of me, and I just sort of gave up , threw in my towel. I always put up these walls, and when things start to get good I quit. I wish I knew why, i wish i had the self determination to just embrace the gifts God has blessed me with. Now that i have realized this flaw, I am going to try my best and pick up the pen again and start writing or i guess in my case hit the keys on the keyboard.

Ah, now for the fun part updating you all on my crazy life now a-days. Lets see, I guess I should start with the beginning, attending a new school. Walking into a school with 2000 kids, about 10 of which i knew was the scariest experience of my life. I remember walking out to the car to my loving mother and wanting nothing more then to get in the car and just breath. I thought it would take me months to make friends and it would be really hard to fit in, but because God is so amazing I seemed to fit in as if I had been there my whole life. I can not describe how it feels walking in there now, its as if i'm right where im supposed to be. I have amazing friends and my house always seems to be filled with teenagers im finally living the teenage dream. Although, the social part of school as been such a blessings there has been many ups and downs. The academics have been s struggle to keep up since its a whole new learning system, but I know what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It's amazing to me how full and beautiful my life has become. God has put many trials on my path this year, some of which I have come out closer to him, others I have made mistakes on. Being the new girl everyone wants a part of, some for the wrong reasons can be hard and leave you with many tears. Luckily I have many many more smiles then laughter this year. Now that I am growing up, im starting to miss the days when pain was always solved by a band aid. pain is seeming more inevitable then ever. And once you get to the good moment believe me you start to see the magic God sprinkled on the world. You just gotta climb that mountain and keep your head up. Hopefully I will update weekly if not daily, glad to be back. Hope all is well. Love always Allie..