I had a youth leader in middle school, whom I absolutely adored. I looked to her as my cool big sister, and I wanted to be just like her. I was close with her husband and children, I loved them all. However, Everyone around me knew it was a bad idea, and they all saw something I didn't, something broken.
As a young girl, I was so innocent, all I saw was good. After all, she was there when I was baptized, she was there for so much of my middle school years, its hard not to picture times without her.I was very conflicted, because for the first time in my life I was having to chose between someone I loved and the people who loved me. I eventually began to see that she had a few missing puzzle pieces. The things my small group was doing was not good for young people, the interactivity with boys, being put in the middle of adult situations, it got so bad my parents pulled me out of the youth group after I got bullied by her. I was furious, for so many reasons. My mom had tried to talk to my youth pastor about it, but even he didn't want to except the ugly truth. I was mad that for some reason I was not close to her. It was a situation where I loved her so much, no matter how much she hurt me. When I did start to go back to church, one day our youth pastor came in and told us she is gone. We were told we couldn't ask any questions, we were to let it go. We were devastated, I never thought I could be angry, especially at my church. I wanted her to get help, but I never wanted her to be taken away.
We were left in silence, for about a year. After moving on, a more grown up girl turned on the news, and saw the mug shot of the girl I had let into my heart so many years ago. I can't even explain how quickly I feel to the floor bawling. The past I feared haunted me. Everything I had ever trusted in, seemed to be broken. Turns out she had an affair with a student, and got charged with 9 felonies. I remember the news talked about it for days, but no one knew the story better then I did. She has been out of my life for about 2 years now, but I still love her. There's a huge part of me that still thinks about her everyday, and I have many questions I need to be answered.
I wish I could see her, and tell her how much pain she caused me, and everyone involved. I still to this day have trouble trusting adults, because believe me when you give someone everything you've got including your trust, your going to have nothing in the end. The worst part about it is, I only want the best for her. Even after all these years of trials and pain, I want her to know to me she's still an innocent.
"It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent" -innocent by taylor swift
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent" -innocent by taylor swift
